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Aim to make a difference.


Life is short. Life is hard. And, just like your presence:

Life is ephemeral.

Sometimes, mostly when I am strongly PMS-ing (sorry-not sorry-for our male readers out there), I find myself wondering what if I disappear right now. Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? To be truthfully, bluntly and in the most modest way possible, I know I would be leaving marks behind me if I ever disappear. Maybe people would not notice my absence, or they would not even miss me. I don't know and that's ok.

But what I do know is that I have made a difference.

Live in a way where you might never see someone again. It is hard to say, because not all of my relationships are perfect.

I am not as close as I should with my family, even though I think and care about them with every day passing by and there's this huge guilt that I am not showing that.

I am not as present as I should in my best friend's life, even though every time I see something about her or something that makes me think of her, I can't stop myself from thinking oh what a wonderful wonderful independent woman she is growing into.

I am not as feminine and overtly supportive as a typical girlfriend should be, even though I for sure do not want to bore my partner instead I want to provide him with excitement everyday and there's nothing more than the best I hope for him.

And to share a secret with the loyal readers out there, I even wish I was able to be more present in my past lovers' lives to see how well they are progressing in life and tell them how proud I am and how much I still care. All these thoughts are pretty damn sad. But, if you asked me, I know I have made differences in all these relationships, and I will keep trying to until my soul is void of essence.

Upon meeting someone who is sad, some of us might not care. Why, after all? When each and every one of us have worries of our own on our shoulders? Why care when there's very low probability of seeing that person again? Why try to console this person when they would probably go running to their next kin and vent about their sorrows and frustrations?

Stop right here because you are asking yourself the wrong questions.

The right question is: Why not? and why not now?

Another right questions is: What can I do to make him/her feel better?

I am not the happiest person on earth, but providing happiness to people contributes to my happiness, if not sanity.

Of course, it does not always turn out to be what we expect.

I once invited a total stranger to come eat with my friends and I in the caf at school. Just because he was eating all alone in a corner and I was worried for him. The days following, he would always come sit with us. He would even come chill with us in the common room of the school in between classes. And it turned out, he was one of the most talkative and obnoxious person ever. I found myself distancing from him eventually. However, if you ask me today if I regret it, I do not.

If this had to happen again, I would still invite him at our table. I would still feel glad he was not eating alone anymore. He might not remember that today, he might not even recall it ever in his life, but I do remember. And I also remember how his face changed from when he was eating alone to when he had people to share a meal with. And that's more than enough for me to be content.

At work, same rule applies.

None of us can know someone's life, background and hardships. Who knows that one little hand you can offer could end up meaning a whole world of opportunities for them.

Over the summer, there was this one lady who dropped by with her daughter every weekend or so. I keep telling this story to my surrounding, and now that I am writing this down, I realize I like sharing this because it marked me more than it probably marked them.

She would always try to joke around with us and was very polite. She had difficulty controlling her own child while ordering food and paying for it. Once while she went to pay for her food, her daughter walked out of the store and she just left everything to go stop her. Some people would get mad in these situations. She was holding the line. She even complained to the business once that we were not nice to her and ruined her day.

But all she asked for was a smile, a greeting and "thank you" and "you are welcome". Her child, who has grown to be even taller than her, suffered from autism. Everyday, walking to our store, through our store and waiting in line, was a challenge for her and her child. But we had no clue.

With just one smile from us, one "hi, how are you today?" so she knows someone cares for her, could have highlighted her days. Today, I am happy with who I am because if I were not, I probably would have been like any of the regular employee being rude to her because she was making other customers wait in line, or not reply to her small talks because I could not care less of our exchanges. But being who I am, I always made sure she was happy. I even looked after her daughter while she was off to pay.

I know if one day I bumped into her in the streets, she would still remember my name and my face. So do I of hers.

I am proud of myself for this, as it is a personal feat, but I am not boasting.

My point here is that if you live in a way where you aim to make a difference, your days get brighter, your soul gets lighter, and your smile wider.

Aim high. Aim to make a difference. And make that smile broad and wide.

From your girl out there,

Still trying to make differences, as tiny as they may be.

xoxo


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MARQUEE NOIR

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